Helping Your Child (and Yourself) With School Drop-Off Separation Anxiety

A new school year has begun! With it comes a fresh wave of emotions—anxiety, hope, excitement, and uncertainty—as families adjust to new routines and growing expectations. For many young students, one of the hardest parts is that dreaded moment of separation. And we know how it tugs at a parent’s heart to see their child walk into school with tears in their eyes, refuse to say goodbye, or even need some extra hands to get them in the door.

The good news? There are ways to manage these emotional moments and even turn them into opportunities to enhance the trust and connection you share with your child. Here are a few strategies to help you both navigate the drop-off with a little more ease—and maybe even a smile.

One of the most effective ways to support your child is to create a goodbye script or ritual, which you can practice before school even starts. Children thrive on routines, as they help regulate emotions and expectations. Sit down together and plan what drop-off will look like: a hug, a high-five or a special phrase like “I love you, and I’ll see you at 3:15!” You can even add something silly to the mix—maybe a funny face, a goofy dance, or a made-up word that gets a giggle. Use your humor to tap into your child’s joy and shift them from anxiety toward security. For extra support, come up with a simple mantra your child can say after the goodbye, whenever they miss you throughout the day: “I’ll see Mommy soon,” or “Daddy loves me,” or “I am excited to tell them about my day!” These affirmations give your child tools to self-soothe and stay connected while you're apart. 

After a week or two of practicing your routine, if you feel your child can handle it, consider gently challenging your child’s expectations to help build resilience. For example, pick a day together with them and maybe their teacher on which you can pick your child up “late.” To help them feel some autonomy in their routine (a great ingredient in burgeoning independence), let your kid choose the day and how late you’ll be (anywhere from the 5-10 minute range). Plan it a few days in advance so you can remind them, “On Tuesday, I’ll be 5 minutes late.” This gives them a chance to experience the feeling of waiting and reinforces the lesson that even when things don’t go exactly as expected, everything is still okay. Life happens—traffic, long grocery lines, sick siblings—so helping them grow that trust muscle in small, safe ways now can be incredibly valuable later on.

If the routine alone isn’t quite cutting it, consider some tactile supports to help your kiddo connect even when you’re physically separated. Think about little things like a photo of you or your family tucked safely in a lunchbox, backpack, or even taped inside their desk (with the teacher’s permission). A familiar face offers reassurance and helps them check in emotionally throughout the day. 

And, remember: your energy at drop-off matters, too. Children are incredibly perceptive and often mirror your emotional state. If you’re anxious or uncertain, they’ll pick up on it. The most helpful thing you can do is to model calm confidence, consistently. Use your body language, tone of voice, and words to affirm that everything is okay and that you’re excited for the day they’re about to have. A positive goodbye helps your child feel secure and confident as they enter the classroom.

And finally, don’t forget to give yourself grace. Even when you know your child is in good hands, it’s normal to feel a wave of guilt or sadness as you watch them walk away—especially if there are tears involved. In those moments, lean on your own version of the “when I miss you” mantra. Remind yourself: “They’re safe, loved, and growing.” Trust that these small moments of letting go are helping your child develop independence, resilience, and confidence—skills that will serve them well far beyond the classroom.

You’ve got this. And so does your kid. ❤️